The 33rd

A lot of chores I hate to do
With deadlines on my calendar —
I'll do them all sometime this month —
Like maybe on the 33rd

I take a large loan from a friend,
He asks when I will reimburse —
I said, "I have a great idea,"
"Let's wait until the 33rd!"

I have a date for Saturday,
I learned she grew a beard — absurd!
My date texts, "When will you arrive?"
I text back, "On the 33rd!"

My doctor said I need a shot —
I hate needles, I must defer —
He asks me, "Free on March 18?"
I tell him, "Nah, the 33rd!"

I have to do an interview —
I smoked some kush, my speech is slurred —
The recruiter asks, "What day works best?"
I murmur, "On the 33rd."

A taxi drops me off at work —
A lovely drive, a nice chauffeur —
My card declined, I look up, smile —
"I'll pay you on the 33rd?"

I'm speeding down the 405 —
The cops pursue, I flip the bird —
The police tell me, "Pull over!"
I scream out, "On the 33rd!"

They catch me, pull me over quick —
The police have the final word —
I asked them, "When will I be free?"
One cop says, "By the 33rd!"